Instead of going along with, at the time, society's negative stigma about therapy, Susanne saw it as a tool to get reacquainted with herself. Spending close to two hours in each therapy session with someone who was equally as invested in Susanne's road to re-self-sustainability. Therapy gave her the time and space to not just connect with, but also to trust herself and her inner voice. Suddenly there was the opportunity to no longer have to figure everything out in her head, something which can be incredibly challenging. Instead, therapy became a space where she could share all her thoughts without worrying what someone will think: to be able to share in a space where someone listens to you and can say "that sucks, what can we do?" At the time, although love was present, support and understanding were lacking from Susanne's life – both from her family and friends. But sometimes our closest companions aren't where we need to seek support. Sometimes we need advice or a reality check from an unexpected or external acquaintance. Therapy played this role for Susanne.
What was so beneficial of diving into therapy and trusting someone outside of her support system, is that it has given Susanne the opportunity to, once again, hear and understand her inner voice. The one that tells you when something is wrong or right, even when you cannot justify it in rational terms. It's this inner voice that recognises when an event or an adventure is the right one for us or whether it will lead us astray from our own journey. This gut feeling can lead us to have important conversations with unexpected people, which is precisely what happened a while later when Susanne was looking to go back to university. Having applied to a psychology program in Paris, the deadline for paying the deposit was fast approaching and Susanne still hadn't made a decision. While she had therapy to deep dive into why she wanted to go and her parents for encouragement, a final decision hadn't yet been made. Spending the evening with some friends, it was an unexpected non-close friend who said to Susanne what she needed to hear – that she should get out of their town and go to Paris – something that helped Susanne realise what she really wanted. A few months later, albeit in the last possible moment, paying the deposit from her mobile phone while out with friends, Susanne realised that this new study adventure was something she one hundred percent was choosing for herself. There had been no influence from society, which expects you to go from high school to university, there had been no dear friends pushing her to pursue something, and even her parents had taken a step back and allowed Susanne to figure this choice out by herself. That same evening, when Susanne came home and told her parents she had decided to go to university again, she asked them why they hadn't encouraged her or mentioned the deadline. The wonderful thing about growing in ourselves and taking the time to do so, is that it also affects the people in our direct environment. Susanne's parents had understood that this decision needed to be Susanne's alone – she had to listen to her gut feeling without the influence of parental expectations or insights.
Out of all the different tools and inputs Susanne used in making the decision to leave Hotel School, to come home and invest time in herself, followed by deciding to attend university once more, patience was the most significant one. Besides her therapist, Susanne's lack of support from her environment confronted, and in a strange way, encouraged her to really listen to herself - to give herself time and space – a tool that has made all the difference. To be patient while you are growing and becoming re-acquainted with yourself. Growth takes time and figuring out how to sustain this bloomed version of yourself in a healthy and wholesome way requires patience. You know yourself best and what it is that you need, no one else can provide that for you the way you can. Susanne gave herself space to figure out how to grow and sustain herself – working to listen, once again, to her inner voice.
Sometimes finding our path and finding ourselves happens by taking the unconventional route. Since deciding to attend university in Paris and studying psychology, Susanne has gone on to complete her master's degree in London and has now, after a tedious and lengthy job search, found work that is a good match. In her professional path Susanne didn't settle. Her gut feeling told her to keep trying, to only go for something that would stimulate and excite her. It has become clear that this unconventional path with many twists and turns, from going to university to now having a master's degree and a job, is not unique to her educational and professional journey. This listening to the gut, even if it can be a winding road, has translated into other parts of her life as well. Life's day-to-day adventures and companions are filled in and filtered by her gut; to listen to what feelings people and things she surrounds herself with give her. Susanne knows which individuals are good for her personal well-being because her intuition will tell her, and in turn, her radiant energy will draw these people onto her path.
Susanne's journey of feeling and embracing uncertainty, of daring to come home and start over, and not being afraid to deep dive into herself and discover where her anxiousness and fears were coming from, and to spend time on this over and over again, has led her to become very self-sustainable. Susanne knows when she's doing things that aren't good for her and dares to confront them, to work on shifting away from them. She knows when she needs a friend or a parent to talk to about her sadness and frustrations, as well as knowing when she wants to share her excitement for life, for work, or anything else. What is most healthy, however, about Susanne's knowledge of herself, is the fact that she knows when she needs time alone to tune in with her inner voice, and to not be afraid to say so. Susanne is transparent with herself. She knows when she's doing things that are a representation of who she wants to be and when they are not. It's the realisation that she's not only in charge of her life, but also responsible for it.